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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29592543">got to be glued</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/charmanander/pseuds/charmanander'>charmanander</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Hair Kink, M/M, Office AU, alcohol consumption, do NOT use gorilla glue as hair pomade</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 01:20:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,738</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29592543</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/charmanander/pseuds/charmanander</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Shikamaru is 100% absolutely the type to overanalyze anything that doesn’t fall into the routinely, categorized profiles he's documented for all the people in his life.<br/>Naruto’s is as follows:<br/>-Uzumaki Naruto<br/>-180cm tall<br/>-Bisexual, or pansexual (?)<br/>-Works at an average-to-below-average pace<br/>-Yet is full of unabashed self-confidence<br/>-But is exceptional at his job, once put on track<br/>-That said, is still an absolute fucking moron<br/>-An absolute fucking moron with a stellar jawline and thighs that could crush his skull like an egg<br/>-Only attracted to pretty people, based on his catalogue of exes/past romantic interests<br/>-is 100% out of Shikamaru’s league</p><p>Naruto wonders what kind of product Shikamaru uses in his hair, and Shikamaru wonders if any of his contingency plans factors in falling in love.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Nara Shikamaru/Uzumaki Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>75</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. kerastase</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i don't know where this came from. i had one (1) conversation with a friend about naruto, and then 3 bottles of wine and 4 days later, this happened.<br/>ive heard boruto isn't very good, but i know that shikamaru gets promoted to naruto's work wife, and i am very self serving<br/>enjoy m8s!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gorilla Glue is NOT a form of hair pomade, Naruto knows this from a viral video he saw a few weeks ago. </p><p>But he can’t for the life of him, think of anything else that’s strong enough to slick back Shikamaru’s hair.</p><p>They work together, in close proximity five days a week, eight hours a day, and have been for almost two years. Never once, has Naruto seen a single strand of hair dare to slip out of Shikamaru’s hair tie. </p><p>He wonders absently if his hair ever comes down, like at all. Maybe it’s not real, maybe it IS glued to his head. Maybe it’s a very intricate hat. </p><p>The hollow <em> smack! </em> sound of something coming into contact with the back of his head disrupts Naruto’s train of thought.</p><p>“The first step to starting your spreadsheet is putting your name at the top.” Shikamaru’s standing behind his desk, hip cocked to one side. He’s got a rolled up packet of papers coiled in his hand, tapping them impatiently on the back of Naruto’s chair. </p><p>“I know that!” Naruto turns around boisterously, straddling his chair backwards so his arms are propped up on the backrest. The action topples over a pen canister and two half-empty instant ramen cups, contents spilling all over his desk and onto Naruto’s cluttered paperwork. Shikamaru clicks his tongue but does nothing to help with the mess. Naruto doesn’t care (or possibly, doesn’t even notice), and continues to tip his chair forward. </p><p>“Well apparently, you don’t. You’ve been staring at this open document for 10 minutes.” Shikamaru saunters back to his desk, which is almost as cluttered as Naruto’s. “I don’t particularly care about your work ethic, but getting nagged by Kakashi-kacho is a pain in the ass, and whatever you don’t do always ends up getting me roped in.” </p><p>Naruto wrinkles his nose and scowls. Unbeknown to Shikamaru, Naruto’s  lack of focus can entirely be attributed to him. How exactly is he <em> supposed </em>to focus, when Naruto’s wondering if Shikamaru Gorilla Glues his hair to his scalp???</p><p>The normal thing to do in this situation would just be to fucking ask. “What kind of hair product do you use, Shikamaru?” is what any person would ask(though, the average person wouldn’t probably be so fixated on Shikamaru’s ponytail to begin with). But, Naruto is anything <em> but </em> the average person, and of course, must act the part. </p><p>Instead, he decides to just find out on his own. </p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru’s settled at his desk, neck deep in data transcription. They have a project due on Friday before they leave, and it’s already late Wednesday afternoon, and they aren’t even 40% complete. Shikamaru <em> dreads </em>overtime, and his least favorite thing is losing his weekends, where he values his time doing absolutely nothing. </p><p>In the last two years since partnering with Naruto, he’s been doing <em> a lot </em>of that overtime. Shikamaru says he absolutely hates it, says it’s a complete fucking drag, having to go the office on his sacred weekends off. And yet, to everyone’s surprise, he’s never put in to be transferred to a different department. </p><p>Shikamaru says to himself, it’s just too bothersome to put in a transfer request. He ignores the smartest part of his brain that isn’t 100% sure about that reasoning. </p><p>Either way, he’s clacking away at his keyboard, QCing  documents and inputting hyperlinks so quickly, it’s like it’s his favorite pastime (it isn’t).</p><p>Shikamaru doesn’t even look up when he hears Naruto push back in his chair and it clatters noisily against the wall, scraping another ding in the paint. </p><p><em> Probably needs another cup of ramen. Or five. </em> He clicks on an ugly hyperlink left from the original client <em> (why would you think this was okay to put in a federal document?) </em>and quickly reformats it. </p><p>The door leading out of their office hasn’t clicked open, meaning Naruto is still here. He inhales heavily, irritation weighing on the intake. Naruto’s standing in front of his desk now, blocking the light from the window behind him, and casting an annoyingly large shadow over all of his shit. </p><p>“What the hell do you wa-?” He stops when Naruto leans over the desktop, forcing Shikamaru to stare at him. The gaze is unwavering, and it makes Shikamaru swallow thickly, adam’s apple tight as it bobs beneath the collar of his shirt.  </p><p>The goddamned idiot tires out the expression “wears his heart on his sleeve”; it’s more like he wears it on his back like a “kick me” sign. In this moment though, Naruto’s expression is unreadably blank, and it’s exceptionally unnerving. </p><p><em> What the fuck. </em>Is all Shikamaru can think, as he stares back, doing his best to look equally as impassive. </p><p>As unpredictable as Naruto can be, Shikamaru thinks he’s experienced it all. Five days a week (sometimes more), eight hours a day (most definitely more), he’d think surprises would be far few in between by now. He’s dealt with Naruto showing up to work so hungover, the sound of Sakura speaking French to a client next door made him retch right down the front of his button-up shirt. <em> (“What do you have against the French?”, he’d asked Naruto in the bathroom, as he helped him peel out of the soiled clothing and fitted him into Shikamaru’s own spare -A bit of a tight fit, Shikamaru thought STRICTLY and PRIVATELY to himself-.  Naruto replied that he didn’t have anything against the French, but the last time he’d heard Sakura speak French was when they were still in high school, and Sakura was helping him study for a French exam, during which Naruto was also hungover, and when he tried to pronounce ‘Qu'est-ce que c'est que ça?’, he spewed all over the text book, himself, and Sakura. She didn’t speak to him for weeks, and to this day, hearing French makes him nauseous.)  </em></p><p>He’s also dealt with Naruto’s stint of having his mail delivered to the office while he was moving, subjecting Shikamaru to Naruto’s brief fascination with ordering HUNDREDS of different sized rubber frogs on Amazon. It had started as a prank on his roommate, Sasuke, but had since invaded his workplace. Every once in a while, Shikamaru goes to the copy room, or the server room, and he sees a rubber frog tucked away in an inconspicuous corner.</p><p>He’s dealt with Naruto’s unapologetic passing of gas in their shared, poorly ventilated, single window office space. He’s dealt with Naruto’s AWFUL combination of instant ramen and peanut butter <em> (for the protein, Shikamaru!) </em> . He’s dealt with <em> buying Naruto plan-B, </em> because he was worried he’d gotten his ex-boyfriend pregnant, because he didn’t realize trans guys could get pregnant <em> (“I just thought that if you identified as a guy, your body just, you know. Made that stuff stop!”).  </em></p><p>Shikamaru, has <em> not </em> however, dealt with Naruto dragging his fingers through his hair. </p><p>Or trying to, at least. Shikamaru uses more hair spray than most drag queens just to hold his ponytail in place. </p><p>The space between Naruto’s and his face is only about two pencil-widths wide. Shikamaru’s eyes flicker to the window on the opposite wall, thinking about what kind of awful gossip would spread like wildfire if anyone looked into their office right now. </p><p>There’s no one in the hallway, which means it’s just him, with Naruto leaning over his desk, fingers inching their way up to his hair tie, two inches away from- </p><p>“MOTHER FUCKING PRINTER!” There’s a deafening THUD against the side of their office; it’s Sakura supplexing the printer next door. </p><p>Shikamaru scoots so far back in his chair, his head slams against the wall behind him. Naruto’s standing in front of his desk still, hand hovering in the air stupidly where Shikamaru’s ponytail was just a few moments ago. </p><p>Shikamaru coughs. </p><p>“I need a smoke break.” He grabs his blazer, his pack of cigarettes, and his lighter from the top of his desk and shoves past Naruto briskly. When he’s out of the office, he peeks through their window. Naruto’s still standing there in the middle of the room, hand on the back of his head, and has the audacity to look pensive. </p><p>While Shikamaru’s sitting in the smoke room, cigarette half dead between his fingers, the back of his head starts to throb. </p><p>
  <em> Annoying.  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“I think it’s a hat.” </p><p>“No, I think it’s hair plugs.” </p><p>“That doesn’t explain why it looks like he’s wearing a fucking helmet.” </p><p> Sakura finishes her beer and orders a fourth. Naruto feels himself sink into his and Sasuke’s side of the booth meekly. Their main courses haven’t even arrived yet, him and Sasuke are still finishing their first drinks, and Sakura’s already got a decent flush on her nose and ears. </p><p>She takes a long drag from the mug and slams it loudly on the table. Sasuke and Naruto both flinch and take drawn out sips from their own pints. </p><p>“Naruto, I don’t fucking understand, why don’t you just ask him? You always have to make situations annoying.” Sakura eats a tsukune skewer messily. If Naruto wears his heart on his back like a “kick me” sign, Sakura drinks hers like 40ozs. </p><p>“Uh. Well. I kinda tried to. I tried to touch his hair earlier today.” Naruto’s admission makes Sasuke stop midway through a sip of his drink. A tsukune ball falls out of Sakura’s mouth back onto her plate. </p><p>“He <em> let </em>you?” Sasuke doesn’t believe it. “That emotionally constipated asshole?” </p><p>“<em> OH, </em>you’re one to talk.” When Sakura speaks, she reeks of beer. Sasuke waves his hand. </p><p>“I mean, <em> let </em>is a strong word. He kinda stared at me like this.” Naruto imitates Shikamaru’s face best he can- impassive, with a HEAVY amount of irritation, and just a tinge of incredulity. “And then hit his head on the wall and went for a smoke break.” Naruto swallows a whole gizzard skewer whole before continuing. “When he came back, he just sat back at his desk and ignored me for the rest of the day. Whenever I tried to talk to him, he’d just not look at me, no matter how in his face I’d get. Usually he tells me ‘Fuck off, Naruto, you’re being a pain the ass’, but today he just. Fucked off on his own I guess. I think I royally pissed him off, you know.” </p><p>Both Sasuke and Sakura are just staring at him. Naruto doesn’t get it. He finishes his drink, and their server comes with their main dishes. She asks if Naruto wants another beer, which he’s about to turn down (it’s still a work night, and he’s already pissed Shikamaru off enough this week, if he shows up even a little hungover tomorrow and doesn’t get enough work done, Naruto’s sure he won’t live to see next Monday.) </p><p>“Yes, yes he does.” Sakura answers for him. </p><p> </p><p>Naruto’s second beer comes and goes, as does his third. Sakura’s teetering on her fifth when Sasuke orders them all a flight of sake. </p><p><em> Fuck it. </em>Naruto’s inebriated; once you get him past the first drink, there isn’t an in between. It’s minorly tipsy, or smashed. </p><p>That said, the little sober voice in the back of his head is wondering <em> why are we getting drunk on a Wednesday night?  </em></p><p>Sakura’s the one who loosens the conversation like a well-lubed asshole. She’s making food art out of an okonomiyaki while complaining about being newly single. </p><p>“Never thought I’d live to see the day Lee would break up with me.” She draws an angry face on her okonomiyaki with the ketchup bottle. Sasuke snorts, and opens his mouth to say something poorly thought out.</p><p>“Never thought I’d live to see the day where <em> you </em> would break up with <em> me </em>, and yet here we are.” Naruto thinks he sees a vein pop on Sakura’s forehead. He downs a cup of sake. </p><p>“Never thought I’D see the day where you AREN’T fucking Naruto’s ass, and yet here we are, he’s fucking Shikamaru’s instead.” </p><p>Naruto laughs, really ugly and full-bellied. <em> Sakura-chan is FUCKING HILAROUS, when she’s wasted, Sasuke fucking my ass, as if, if anything I’d be fucking his- wait, what? </em> </p><p>He stops laughing real quick. </p><p>“What are you talking about?” Naruto slurs around the edge of his sake cup. He puts it down slowly, and Sasuke refills it without Naruto even noticing. He picks the cup up again and downs it in one shot. </p><p>“Oh my god, you’re SO fucking stupid.” The S in “so” and “stupid” end up all over Naruto’s face, Sakura slurring over her sentence and pooling saliva around each word. </p><p>“Ohhhh, this shit again.” Naruto leans back in his seat, head rolling to stare at the ceiling. The dull lights of the izakaya bar swirls and doubles in his vision. “Sakura-chan, you are so mean. I am stupid, I know. What I do not know is-” Naruto makes a very wide gesture with his hands, nearly smacking Sasuke in the face. “-is <em> why </em>.” </p><p>Sasuke turns Naruto in his seat so they’re facing one another, about a handswidth between their noses. Naruto thinks he smells like Calvin Klein cologne, which is fucking disgusting and VERY dated. Sasuke opens his ugly-pretty mouth, and says, </p><p>“You want to pull on Shikamaru’s hair until his entire scalp rips off, hair plugs and all.”</p><p>Naruto blinks. </p><p>“What? No. I just want to know what he uses to keep it up.” </p><p>Sasuke’s eyes roll so hard, Naruto thinks he can hear them moving in their sockets</p><p>“Do you care what I use in my hair, Naruto?” Sasuke fiddles with his bangs to make his point. </p><p>“No, because it looks fucking stupid, why would I?” Naruto says it so boldly, Sasuke has the gall to be offended. He touches the back of his head, somewhat self-conscious. He does NOT spend 20,000 yen on styling product to be told his hair looks stupid. In Sasuke’s brief drunken vulnerability, Sakura interjects again. </p><p>“Do you think Shikamaru’s hair looks stupid, Naruto?” </p><p>“No.” Naruto, once again, says it so matter-of-factly, Sasuke is double offended. How someone could think <em> his </em>hair looks stupid, but could think the non-commital asshole with the receding hairline doesn’t is beyond him. He drinks his sake faster. </p><p>“Well, what <em> do </em> you think of Shikamaru’s hair, Naruto?” Sakura’s grin is so wide, Sasuke thinks it might split her cheeks open. </p><p>“I hate how slicked back it is, I want to run my fingers through it and mess it up .” <em> Again, </em>Naruto says it so bluntly, it’s scandalous. Naruto covers his mouth.</p><p>“Oh.” </p><p> </p><p>When Sasuke and Naruto are walking back home, arms around each other’s shoulders to keep the other upright, Sasuke asks,</p><p>“Do you really think my hair looks stupid?” </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Naruto is hungover as <em> shit, </em> and the fact that that isn’t Shikamaru’s <em> biggest </em>problem with him today is REALLY fucking troublesome. </p><p>“No French clients today, Sakura-chan. Or if you have to, take the call somewhere else, please.” Naruto’s standing outside Sakura’s office when Shikamaru arrives to work that morning (habitually late, as always). He’s got his head sagging on the edge of Sakura’s door frame, body slacked in a way that almost makes Shikamaru feel sorry for him.</p><p>Almost. </p><p>He doesn’t, because….whatever the fuck <em> yesterday </em> was made Shikamaru chain smoke like a goddamned chimney all night. Shikamaru is 100% absolutely the type to overanalyze anything that doesn’t fall into the routinely, categorized profiles he's documented for all the people in his life</p><p>Naruto’s is as follows: </p><p>-Uzumaki Naruto</p><p>-180cm tall</p><p>-Bisexual, or pansexual (?)</p><p>-Works at an average-to-below-average pace</p><p>-Yet is full of unabashed self-confidence </p><p>-But is exceptional at his job, once put on track </p><p>-That said, is still an absolute fucking moron</p><p>-An absolute fucking moron with a <em> stellar </em>jawline and thighs that could crush his skull like an egg</p><p>-Only attracted to pretty people, based on his catalogue of exes/past romantic interests </p><p>-100% out of Shikamaru’s league</p><p>Therefore, whatever happened yesterday, can only realistically be described by a select few situations;</p><ol>
<li>Shikamaru had something stuck in his hair. This is unlikely because, despite his overall lazy nature, Shikamaru is very particular about his hair, so he would have absolutely noticed something stuck in his hair. Also, Naruto would have just pointed it out directly.</li>
<li>There was a mosquito on Shikamaru’s head. Also unlikely because Naruto would waste absolutely no time smacking him on the forehead</li>
<li>Naruto was trying to play with his hair</li>
</ol><p>The third scenario makes Shikamaru’s brain slam the brakes and screech to a grinding halt; he thinks he can feel it ricocheting and bouncing around on the inside of his skull. </p><p>Shikamaru rubs the back of his head, the welt from having hit the wall yesterday swollen and bruised. He presses on it so it starts hurting again, so he can pretend his headache is from the bump and not from...whatever the fuck this shit with Naruto was.</p><p>He slumps in his desk chair and looks at their project with dismay.</p><p>45% complete. </p><p>Naruto and Shikamaru sigh simultaneously. </p><p>Shikamaru peers at Naruto from over his computer monitor. He looks absolutely obliterated; he’s got that glassy-eyed, unfocused stare, the tell-tale sign that someone is so hungover, they might still be a little bit drunk. He’s laying on his desk, keyboard butting up against his chin and lips as he clicks away slowly at his mouse.</p><p>Shikamaru sighs again. They are never going to finish this shit before tomorrow night.</p><p> </p><p>It’s in Shikamaru’s best interest to give Naruto a piece of his fucking mind <em> (“What’s the matter with you, getting shit-faced mid-week when we have this much work to do? Why are you being a royal pain in my ass? I don’t want to spend my fucking weekend here. Why did you try to play with my hair you stupid idiot with your extremely nice forearms-”)  </em></p><p>The thing is, Naruto, despite his mediocre performance, is a complete workaholic. It’s unlike him to purposely go out drinking midweek with this large of a deadline hanging over him, and even less likely to get <em> this </em> shit-faced by choice. Something then, Shikamaru surmises, must be going wrong.</p><p>Shikamaru sighs. <em> Bothersome.  </em></p><p>“Oi. Naruto.” </p><p>Naruto barely moves, just kind of shifts his head slightly so he can see Shikamaru in the gap between the bottom of his monitor and the top of his desk. </p><p>“You look like shit.” <em> Wonderful flirting. Nara Shikamaru, a fucking heartbreaker.  </em></p><p>Naruto groans, slamming his hands against his keyboard in what Shikamaru assumes is supposed to be him typing. </p><p>“I feel like I need to take like four shits.” <em> Absolute sex god. His bedroom talk makes my dick wet.  </em></p><p>“Come on. Let’s get coffee. Sober up that hangover, having to look at you like that is annoying as hell.” </p><p>Shikamaru slings his blazer over his shoulder and grabs his lighter and cigarettes. Naruto just rolls onto his side, staring at Shikamaru with his cheek pressed to the cold wood. </p><p>“I hate coffee.”</p><p>Shikamaru puts his hands up in a non-committal <em> whatever </em>.</p><p>“Fine. Die here then.” </p><p>Naruto groans in response. </p><p>“I will, I would love to, I want to <em> die.” </em>As he’s saying this, he’s slumping out of his chair and dragging himself after Shikamaru and out of their office. </p><p>“Actually, that sounds inconveniencing, so nevermind. Die outside of our office.” </p><p>They take the elevator down to the ground floor. The building cafe is tucked away near the entrance. Shikamaru watches Naruto nearly vomit at the sight of someone entering through the revolving door. He reaches out to rub his back gingerly and tries to ignore the feeling of Naruto’s shoulder blades flexing as he heaves. </p><p>Shikamaru leaves Naruto at a table outside while he orders inside. He gets himself a black coffee (a drink which really sells his aesthetic of being an emotionally-constipated dickbag, but actually only orders due to lactose intolerance), and Naruto a green tea and a plain bagel. </p><p>When he returns outside, Naruto’s leaning back in his chair, staring up at the clouds. </p><p>
  <em> He must be REALLY fucked up if he’s sitting still for this long.  </em>
</p><p>Shikamaru sits across from him and sets their drinks down. He blows into the hole on the lid of his cup, and appreciates the view of Naruto’s craned neck. </p><p>There’s comfortable silence for a bit, and then Naruto looks down and back at Shikamaru. He flinches, feels his ears heat from the embarrassment of being caught staring. He leans back in his chair awkwardly and stares at the clouds instead. </p><p>Naruto is definitely NOT as good at gawking secretly. Shikamaru feels like he’s being absolutely scrutinized. Naruto’s stare weighs like fifty kilograms, and Shikamaru can feel all the weight crushing his chest. </p><p>For once, Shikamaru has found himself in what people must describe as “awkward silence”. Ino has <em> always </em> complained about it to him, how he always leaves people in one-sided conversations until they’re both just listening to the ringing in their own ears. Shikamaru has never, <em> ever, </em>been in a situation where he’s needed to break the silence himself. Suddenly, staring at the clouds isn’t relaxing. He sits back up in his chair, and makes eye-contact with Naruto.</p><p>“...what’s wrong?” </p><p>Naruto’s expression falters, clearly not expecting Shikamaru to start a conversation.</p><p>And then, for the second time in two days, Naruto does something that throws Shikamaru for a full 180. </p><p>Naruto doesn’t say anything at all. He just breaks eye contact, pupils darting to the corners of his eyes, and brings his tea up to his mouth to drink.</p><p>It leaves Shikamaru’s mouth hanging half-open like an idiot. They sit like that until their drinks have gone cold, and the ringing in Shikamaru’s ears becomes so deafening, he feels the need to plug them. </p><p>It’s again, uncharacteristically, Shikamaru who breaks the silence.</p><p>“...We. Should probably go back to work. I don’t want to be stuck here all weekend.” </p><p>Naruto is still staring at the ground like it fascinates him. Shikamaru’s head starts to throb again. </p><p>“Yeah, for sure.” </p><p>They stand up, head back into the building, go back up the elevator, into their office, and that’s it. </p><p> </p><p>Shikamaru’s ears are still ringing when he gets home for the evening, chain smoking another pack of cigarettes on his balcony. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Watching them is painful.” </p><p>“Yeah, well. I don’t know what you’d expect. One emotionally-inept asshole who could probably choke someone with <em> just </em> his brain, but can’t communicate his way out of a cardboard box, and then the dumbass who wears his heart on his fucking ass, but probably doesn’t even know what the word ‘converse’ means.” </p><p>Sakura and Ino are sitting at a table inside the cafe, watching two awkward men through the one-way windows. They’re just...staring at each other. But not at the same time. Sakura watches as they weirdly take turns, Naruto staring at the sky, Shikamaru staring at Naruto, then Naruto staring at Shikamaru while Shikamaru stares at the sky. They look at each other briefly, then they both look away, and then they’re back to taking turns staring at each other. From what she can tell, the two aren’t even talking. </p><p>It’s the strangest game of chicken Sakura has ever seen. </p><p>“How long do you think they’ve been like this?”</p><p>Ino looks up from playing with a straw wrapper, dripping water on the scrunched up paper so it grows and expands. She turns to look outside as well, watching two grown men have a not-conversation. </p><p>“What, been into each other? Probably since college.” Ino props her head in her hand, leaning an elbow on the table as she sips at her drink. “Shikamaru obviously likes him, no one probably notices since everyone thinks Naruto’s following him around like a lost puppy, but if anything, it’s Shikamaru that’s stuck to his hip. I literally don’t see him with anyone else, unless he’s with me or Choji.” </p><p>Sakura shakes her head though; it isn’t the answer she’s looking for. </p><p>“No, I mean like that.” she points outside again, and now Shikamaru’s fiddling with the lid on his cup, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. Naruto’s ringing his hands like they’re a sopping wet towel. </p><p>“Oh, you mean like, cognisant?” Ino continues to slurp at her drink until the cup gurgles. “Cognisant of how their feelings are slow as molasses? Probably like, two days. Tops.” </p><p>Sakura sighs exaggeratedly and leans back in her seat. </p><p>“Anyways, is that the only reason you dragged me over here for my lunch break? To talk about how the guy who had a crush on <em> you </em> in high school, and the guy <em> I </em> had a crush on in high school are eye fucking each other in your neighboring cubicle?” Ino turns her wrist over to check her watch. “I have to get going, I have to get this arrangement delivered to a funeral house by 3.” </p><p>“Wait!” Sakura catches her by the wrist. Ino sighs and sits back down. </p><p>“Quit scowling, your forehead wrinkles are so large they’re scary.” </p><p>“Shut the fuck up, ugly.” </p><p>“That is <em> not </em>a nice thing to call your date.”</p><p>“I never said this was a date.” </p><p>Ino feigns shock, covering her mouth with the back of her hand. </p><p>“Well, in that case, I’ll just be going-”</p><p>“No! Okay, okay. It might. Be a date.” </p><p>In response, Ino just laughs and shakes her head. She reaches forward, and Sakura screws her eyes tight, expecting a flick right between her brows. </p><p>Instead, Ino pokes her on the nose. </p><p>“Cute. Almost. Try not calling me ugly, next time, and we’ll see.”</p><p>Ino is officially standing up, gathering her purse as Sakura sits, staring blankly at the napkin in her lap. </p><p>“Next time you ask me out, let’s not talk about two simpletons the entire time. Might make for better romantic conversation.” </p><p>And like that, Ino is gone. Sakura touches the tip of her nose, flushes lightly, and sinks into her chair. She turns her head to look out the window, and she notices that Shikamaru and Naruto are gone. </p><p>She slouches and presses her face against the glass. </p><p>
  <em> Can’t really blame them, this dating shit is hard. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. bumble and bumble</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>in which naruto is introspective about hair, and shikamaru laments about his broken nose</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*shrug emoji*<br/>its just a gosh darned shame kishimoto never showed us the true power of shikamaru with his hair down</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Naruto has what he thinks is unbrimming amounts of self-confidence; he </span>
  <em>
    <span>absolutely </span>
  </em>
  <span>thinks that, if he shows up at the office at 5AM, he will </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely </span>
  </em>
  <span>be able to finish the last 40% of their project before Shikamaru even comes into work.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In this moment though, unfounded self-confidence is </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>what Naruto’s working with; instead, he’s surviving off of sheer, raw moxie. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The problem is, Naruto doesn’t even know what “moxie” means. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So he arrives at the office, slouches in his chair and stares at the clock on the wall. 5:04, it reads in sobering, red LEDs. He jiggles his mouse to wake up his computer, and the artificial light obliterates his unrested eyeballs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>To say Naruto has slept poorly recently would be a massive understatement. The night prior to last, he passed out on top of Sasuke on the couch, woke up around 3AM, vomited, and then sat on the floor of the bathroom, replaying the last 24 hours in his head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gone to work. Stared at Shikamaru’s ponytail. Tried to work. Thought about Shikamaru’s ponytail. Took a shit break. Got ramen for lunch. Stared at Shikamaru’s ponytail </span>
  <em>
    <span>again. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Thought about Gorilla Glue. Thought about Shikamaru’s hair down. Thought about Shikamaru’s hair in his fingers. Tried to </span>
  <em>
    <span>get</span>
  </em>
  <span> Shikamaru’s hair in his fingers. Failed. Left work. Ate with Sasuke and Sakura. Got drunk. Talked about Shikamaru’s hair and how he wanted to pull the it out of his hair tie, wind it in his fingers, tangle it in his fist and-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Naruto didn’t go back to sleep that night, and ended up going into work with a head-splitting hangover, and a heart-splitting need to hold Shikamaru’s hand, cup the nape of his neck, and breathe in the smell of cigarettes and coffee. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That is </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>what he did, like, </span>
  <em>
    <span>at all. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Instead, all that unbridled self-confidence went out the fucking window and they don’t talk for more or less the entire day- even when Shikamaru took him out for coffee. Naruto’s heart is too big for his throat (and his hangover too big for his head), and for the first time in his life, he’d found himself with nothing to say. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And that brings him to where he is now; sitting at his office desk, alone, at 5AM. If he can finish the project for them, they won’t have to come in for overtime on Saturday, Shikamaru </span>
  <em>
    <span>might </span>
  </em>
  <span>be less pissed with him on Monday, and most importantly, he won’t even have to deal with talking to Shikamaru if he’s gone before he even makes it to the office. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The less opportunity he has to do something stupid, the better. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now, the problem is, Naruto’s all moxie and no result. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Four hours go by, his co-workers start to trickle in, and their projected completion rate is sitting at a whopping 65%.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Naruto leans back in his desk and groans. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Wow, </span>
  </em>
  <span>what a surprise.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Naruto looks behind him and Kakashi’s leaning against the doorframe to his office, coffee cup that says “ICK” in large black text. Naruto wonders what “ICK” stands for. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of all the things that could have given you the motivation to come to work early, I never thought Shikamaru-kun of all people would be your inspiration.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Naruto scowls more, and pretends to look absorbed in his work.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Kakashi-kacho, do you think I could apply to have a private office?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not on your fucking life, champ. You either share an office with Shikamaru to keep an eye on you, or you share an office with me. Your choice.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That’s not the answer Naruto wanted to hear. He isn’t sure what’s worse; the emotional turmoil of sharing a space with Shikamaru, when all Naruto wants to do is dig scratch nail marks into his back, or the horrifying threat of having to share a space with Kakashi instead. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kakashi tuts and motions his coffee cup towards Shikamaru’s empty desk. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Looks like he’s late.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When </span>
  <em>
    <span>isn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> he late?” Naruto glances at Shikamaru’s desk. There’s a pang of loneliness that tugs away in his chest. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fair enough, but it’s almost 10. He’s lazy, but he’s not an idiot that likes being nagged. Late </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>behind on his work, Tsunade’s not gonna like that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Naruto clicks on more hyperlinks. The completion percent goes up to 66. Whoopdee-fucking-doo. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I don’t know what’s bothering him, so don’t ask me. I’m not his keeper.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kakashi raises an eyebrow. Naruto </span>
  <em>
    <span>hates </span>
  </em>
  <span>that face; it means Kakashi’s already solved a problem that Naruto hasn’t even realized he has. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I never said anything was bothering him; should I be concerned? Are you two having a lover’s quarrel? Would explain why you’re avoiding him like a cheating husband hides from his wife at work.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Naruto laughs dryly. If </span>
  <em>
    <span>only </span>
  </em>
  <span>they were having a lover’s quarrel. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If we’re in love, that’s news to me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kakashi looks at Naruto incredulously. </span>
</p>
<p><span>“You are the </span><em><span>only </span></em><span>one that is news to. Well, I suppose it is to Shikamaru as well.” Kakashi turns his head up to look at the ceiling.  “Wow, you two </span><em><span>are</span></em> <em><span>really</span></em><span> dumb.” </span></p>
<p>
  <span>Naruto </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>really dumb, so he has no idea what Kakashi is trying to say. Shikamaru isn’t dumb? He’s like, the smartest person Naruto knows. Probably also the smartest person Kakashi knows. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It amazes me that someone can be so smart, yet so incredibly stupid at the same time.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kakashi takes another punctuated sip from his coffee cup. Naruto now realizes that the cup actually says “DICK”, handle forming the letter “D”. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Either way, I don’t really care. Suck dick or don’t, but you two aren’t going anywhere until this project is done. So my best advice to you is this- be an adult, and either suck dick, or have a damn conversation.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kakashi turns around and walks down the hall back to his office. Naruto turns his attention back to his computer, but all he can see in his mind is “DICK”, in big, black text. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Another half hour goes by, and Naruto’s been very productive (he’s typed “DICK” on the top of his spreadsheet and then deleted it), but he supposes that productivity is going to have to end at some point. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He smells the ramen first, salty chicken aroma wafting into his office from the open door. Naruto turns his head on instinct, and then he sees Shikamaru second. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shikamaru’s carrying a cup of instant ramen in each hand, looking sheepish and poorly-rested. There’s stubble growing around the edge of his jaw, but Naruto doesn’t have time to appreciate it because Shikamaru’s setting the ramen down on his desk. He crosses to the opposite side of the room, drags his own office chair out, and seats himself across from Naruto. He starts slurping away at the noodles, not even giving Naruto a glance. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What, you’re not gonna eat it?” Shikamaru gestures at Naruto’s serving with his chopsticks. “If you don’t want it, give it back.” He stirs his own noodles around in the cup and then starts drinking the broth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Naruto grabs the cup defensively, and then breaks his own chopsticks and starts to eat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The tonkotsu one is better, you know.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re welcome, you thankless bastard.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They eat in silence together, only sounds between them being slurping and chewing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kakashi-kacho said you got here early this morning.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Naruto snorts around a mouthful of noodles. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Early is an understatement. I got here at the asscrack of dawn.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Naruto stops mid-slurp. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Why? </span>
  </em>
  <span>How is he supposed to answer that? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Because I’m trying</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>to avoid you? Because I don’t want to burden you with my feelings? Because I’m already a constant burden to you, I don’t need to do this to you, too. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t want you to have to spend your weekend here.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Didn’t want you to have to</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>spend your weekend here, with me.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shikamaru leans over the desk to look at Naruto’s computer. Up close, Naruto notices Shikamaru’s hair doesn’t look as stiff. There are bumps in his hairline, strands peeking out from the base of his neck that didn’t quite make their way into the hair tie.  The normally slicked hairline looks soft and silky, like it’s freshly washed. Shikamaru shifts so he’s facing the screen. Naruto can smell his shampoo- musky and deep, like something you would buy from a luxury salon.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Incredible, you got a full 6% done in the last 5 hours.” He sighs and runs his hand over his head and a few strands fall loose and frame around Shikamaru’s face. Naruto feels his hands twitch, starts picking at his fingers to keep himself from doing something stupid.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Listen, because I’m only going to say this once. I don’t want you to feel guilty about having to be here an extra day. I’m just as responsible for us being late, it’s something we have to do together. It’s a pain in the ass, yeah, but we end up with the longer and harder projects because Kakashi-kacho knows we always get it done correctly. So of course we’ll have to be here on the weekends once in a while, it’s inevitable.” Shikamaru scratches the back of his neck, looking a little strained from talking so much. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just. My bad. If I made you feel like you had to go out of your way to get more done just for my sake. That’s shitty of me to make you feel.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shikamaru lets out an extremely loud exhale, like apologizing is emotionally taxing. It probably is, so Naruto interjects to keep Shikamaru from tiring himself out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll buy lunch and dinner for tomorrow.” Naruto puts his chopsticks away in his now empty ramen cup. “If you answer something for me. It’s been bothering me all week.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Suck dick or have a conversation. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Naruto hopes Kakashi’s advice is sound. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shikamaru raises an eyebrow in response. Naruto hates that he thinks the expression is kind of sexy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Naruto is </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>the type to second guess himself- unbridled self confidence and unrivalved moxie, right? You would think this would make him magnificent at love confessions. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It turns out, Naruto absolutely is </span>
  <em>
    <span>not. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So like. Do you glue your hair to your scalp? Or are you able to take it down?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Goddammit, you fucking idiot. This is NOT how you go about sucking dick, OR having a conversation. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh. What?” is what Shikamaru responds with, because of course he would. How do you react to someone asking you if you glue your hair to your scalp? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Naruto decides that, if he’s already doing stupid shit, he might as well go all-in and be mega stupid. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He leans across the desk until their noses are almost touching and winds one of Shikamaru’s loose strands of hair around his finger. It’s soft, and definitely not slicked with glue. From the corner of his eye, he can see Shikamaru’s mouth flapping open, trying to find a response to Naruto playing with his hair. Naruto doesn’t wait for him to say anything; he tucks the lock behind Shikamaru’s ear and lets his fingertips follow his hairline to the nape of his neck. He curls the baby hairs between his thumb and fore-finger and gives them a small tug. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shikamaru makes a small noise in the back of his throat; Naruto would have missed it if he wasn’t close enough to smell the cigarette smoke that’s clinging to Shikamaru’s clothes. It’s this moment that makes Naruto decide that he’s just going to do what he does best; not think. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He runs an open palm along the back of Shikamaru’s head and stops at the base of his ponytail. There’s a small part of Naruto’s brain that wonders why Shikamaru hasn’t stopped him yet, but that thought is completely squashed by the gasp that parts Shikamaru's lips when Naruto gathers his ponytail in his fist and pulls. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Naruto snaps the elastic tie in his finger and tugs the band free. Shikamaru’s hair cascades down; it curls around his jawline like a picture frame and kisses the tops of his shoulders. Naruto cannot stop, too far stupid to do anything other than run his hand through the dark, thick locks, gathering them between his fingers, pulling back until Shikamaru’s neck cranes. The sound that passes his lips borders on a whine. Naruto watches his adam’s apple quiver when Shikamaru swallows; Naruto wants to cover it with his mouth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“N-naruto, I-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their door slams open. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“NARUTO. I SENSED THAT YOUR YOUTHFUL SPIRIT WAS WAVERING THIS MORNING; I’VE BROUGHT YOU AN ENERGIZING GREEN TEA TO REAWAKEN YOUR- oh.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rock Lee is here now, staring at Naruto with a fistful of Shikamaru’s hair in his hand. His eyes are darting back and forth between the two of them, taking in Naruto’s flushed face, and Shikamaru’s overall disheveled appearance. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I. See.” They have managed to make Lee, of all people, speechless. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lee! It’s- we were just-” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Just what? Just pulling on my coworkers hair, you know. Normal shit between bros, just dudes being dudes. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Naruto drops his hand, leaving Shikamaru’s hair looking like a rat’s nest. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, it is okay. I understand completely. Lee just puts his hand forward, palm out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is there to understand?” Shikamaru sounds absolutely haggard, breath short and airy. It would make Naruto’s dick twitch, but having Rock Lee in the same room as him is like a pheromone suppressant. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s VERY youthful to assist your friends in tying up their hair. I commend that! Here is your tea.” Rock Lee places a cup of tea on the corner of Naruto’s desk. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks, Lee.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lee nods his head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I will leave you two privately.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Lee leaves, closing the door behind them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Naruto sinks deeply into his chair. Shikamaru’s turned sideways, head ducked down so Naruto can’t see his expression. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>We just made it not-awkward. Now I made it even MORE awkward. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Naruto’s stupid, so it doesn’t occur to him right away that Shikamaru seemed every bit as entranced as Naruto had been. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shikamaru coughs and combs his fingers through his hair, pushing it back so it’s out of his face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can I have my hair tie back?” Shikamaru’s cheeks are still flushed, but unlike Naruto, has at least regained enough composure to speak.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh-I-yeah.” Naruto extends a shaking hand and drops the elastic band in Shikamaru’s palm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He watches as Shikamaru starts gathering his hair back into his trademarked high ponytail. To any regular onlooker, it looks the same as it always does. But there’s pieces of hair sticking out from the side, flyaways poking out from the crown. The ponytail itself is tangled from being twisted and pulled. It makes Naruto squirm in his seat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“To answer your question, no, I don’t glue it down.” Shikamaru’s standing now, dragging his chair back to his desk and situating himself behind his computer. “Though, you probably figured that out on your own just now.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-I. Yeah. It’s. Softer than I thought it would be.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shikamaru peers at him from over the edge of his monitor. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh? So you’ve thought about it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yes. A lot. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...Not particularly.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hn.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shikamaru starts clicking away at his computer like nothing happened. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Naruto, on the other hand, is buzzing in his chair- he can still feel the ghosting feeling of Shikamaru’s hair between his fingers. He suddenly feels incredibly thirsty. He gulps down the tea courtesy of Lee, and tries to stare at his computer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The completion percentage is ticking up at a steady rate, despite the fact that Naruto isn’t doing a damn thing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>67%, 68%</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A glance over at Shikamaru’s desk shows him fully absorbed in his work, the epitome of focus and concentration. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>69%, 70%</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, uh. Shikamaru?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-uh.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Moxie be </span>
  <em>
    <span>damned, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Naruto’s lost all nerve. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I need to take a shit!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s running to the bathroom, head full of Shikamaru and an ass full of shit. </span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“They are ABSOLUTELY participating in YOUTHFUL activities together, Sakura-san! I can confirm!” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Lee, not so loud, the walls are thin, and they’re right next door.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I don’t think they’re particularly concerned about privacy.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shikamaru never pegged Lee as a gossip, but he supposes having been witness to...whatever the hell </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>was would make anyone into a gossip. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shikamaru feels strangely calm. They’re sitting at a steady 75%; his vision feels less hazy, he feels centered and clear. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe he just needed to let his hair down for a bit. Literally.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Naruto still hasn’t returned from the bathroom. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe he’s jacking off. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shikamaru won’t lie, he’d definitely considered running off to the bathroom himself to rub one out. He didn’t though- work is one of those sacred, untouchable places for him. Jacking off is saved for the sanctity of his own four walls. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He catches his reflection in his office window. Shikamaru clicks his tongue; his hair looks like absolute shit. It’s bumpy at the crown, there’s flyaways </span>
  <em>
    <span>everywhere; </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shikamaru may as well just be fucking naked. He’s about to pull the hair tie and and re-tie it again when Sakura comes out of her office and locks eyes with him through the glass. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh shit. OH, shit. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shikamaru doesn’t feel particularly strongly about anyone. He can count on two hands the people he does; Ino, Choji, Asuma, his own parents, Naruto, at one point Temari, and Sakura. Sakura, in particular, evokes a strong, unrivaled emotion that twists Shikamaru’s organs into boy scout’s knots. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s absolutely fucking terrified of her. Aligning himself with two of her closest friends might be the stupidest thing Shikamaru has ever done in his entire life. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The first time they’d met was in high school. Shikamaru and Choji were attending one of Ino’s judo competitions, and right there, in the middle of the gymnasium, a fist collided with his nose and dislocated it on contact. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Standing over him was an angry, pink-haired girl he’d never met in his life. Her fist was coated in blood (his, he’d blankly conclude), and she’d had scar tissue covering each one of her knuckles. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re Shikamaru, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>What the fuck. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She didn’t wait for an answer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course you fucking are, there’s no one else in this gym that has a hairline as ugly as yours.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shikamaru had absently dragged a finger over his hairline, smearing blood on his forehead. He didn’t have much time to think about anything; the girl grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and hauled him off his ass. He had thrown a disparaging look at Choji, who was just eating chips and staring at him half-heartedly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ino is ugly, but your level of ugly and her level of ugly are two DIFFERENT levels of ugly. If you hurt her again, I will punch you so hard, your thick skull will come right out your fucking asshole.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’d dropped him again, Shikamaru’s dense skull bouncing off the gymnasium floor like a basketball. He’d spent the rest of the judo match with two napkins rolled up and shoved deep in his nostrils. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Ino came out to meet them after the match, he’d learned that the girl who broke his nose was named Sakura, her eternal rival and childhood best friend. Ino had told Sakura about Shikamaru rejecting Ino’s date proposal </span>
  <em>
    <span>(“No, I’m good. Girls aren’t my thing, and you’re troublesome enough as it is,”). </span>
  </em>
  <span>It’s not like Ino had asked Sakura to give him a piece of her mind, or anything (or in this case, a piece of her fist). </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shikamaru will </span>
  <em>
    <span>never </span>
  </em>
  <span>forget the look that Sakura gave him right before she punched his nose right through to the back of his face. That unbridled amount of </span>
  <em>
    <span>rage, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shikamaru was sure that her eyes were entirely white with anger. It’s a reminder that Shikamaru should </span>
  <em>
    <span>never </span>
  </em>
  <span>cross any of the people Sakura holds dear to her- if Sakura’s put her claim on a person, Shikamaru should just stay away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shikamaru knows he’s broken that rule. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And thus, here she is, glaring at Shikamaru through the glass of his office window. Shikamaru lives up to his namesake and just stares back like a deer caught in headlights. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sakura puts her fist against the window and knocks twice. Shikamaru’s throat suddenly feels dry. He gets up from his desk and opens the door to let Sakura inside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yo, Sakura.” Shikamaru is proud that he doesn’t stutter his greeting. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hngh.” Sakura lets herself in and closes the door behind them. Shikamaru silently wishes he’d written a will. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So..uh. What brings you over..?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your hair looks like shit.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>That’s not what Naruto thinks. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shikamaru doesn’t say this because he values his life. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I know. Had a slow start this morning, lost track of time.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Naruto probably thinks it looks pretty, doesn’t he?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The tone that Sakura uses cuts across her words like a well-sharpened knife. A statement that should come off as fond sounds bitter on her tongue, like the taste offends her. Shikamaru lets out a haggard sigh. He fiddles with his loose strands of hair, tries hard to not think about how it felt to have Naruto doing the same thing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Listen, Sakura. It’s nothing. He’s just-we’re just. Going through something. He just needs to get it out of his system.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Just needs to get me out of his system. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The look that crosses Sakura’s face tells Shikamaru this is </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>the answer she wants. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re such a conceited dickbag, did you know that?” Sakura takes an intimidating step forward and corners Shikamaru into the wall. If anyone looked through his window now, they’d assume no one was inside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re so self-important, only bothering to do anything that’s convenient for you at the time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Naruto is </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>a convenience.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sakura raises one eyebrow, disbelief settling in the creases on her brow. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, really? Then why lead him on? Give him a bite one day, and then leave him to starve the next? It’s easy when you have his fingers in your hair, but what about when you have his heart under your fucking foot?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shikamaru lifts his foot up subconsciously. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not leading him on. I’m just letting him figure it out.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sakura snorts, lets out a </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Keh!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>noise from the back of her throat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Have you ever thought that maybe, </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’re </span>
  </em>
  <span>the one that needs to figure it out? Get a grip on the situation?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shikamaru pinches the bridge of his nose. He’s run hundreds, thousands of scenarios through his head on how this day would play out, but none of them started with Naruto’s fingers in his hair or ended with Sakura’s fist in his teeth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You have contingency plan upon contingency plan, but do any of those ever take into account how </span>
  <em>
    <span>Naruto </span>
  </em>
  <span>fucking feels?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course I do!” Shikamaru feels offended; Naruto pushed Shikamaru to his emotional wits-ends, brute forced his way into Shikamaru’s heart and punched out a shape for him to fit. If anything, Naruto’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>forced </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shikamaru to take his feelings into account. As troublesome as it is, Naruto’s there to stay. At least, until Naruto gets it out of his system and moves onto something else. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shikamaru tries to not think about how he’s going to fill the Naruto-shaped hole that he’ll inevitably leave behind. There aren’t enough square pegs in the world to fill in the space. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No. You’re not.” Sakura takes a step back and leans against the corner of Naruto’s desk. Shikamaru lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. He watches Sakura’s expression flicker from anger to disappointment- somehow, that is worse. He removes himself from the wall and leans against his own desk. He folds his hands in front of him, forming an “O” with his fingers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“All you’re doing, Shikamaru, is putting feelings in his mouth because it’s more convenient for you to assume you're disposable, because it keeps you from committing to your own feelings. You and I know </span>
  <em>
    <span>damn </span>
  </em>
  <span>well that when Naruto decides to feel something, he feels that for the rest of his life.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shikamaru doesn’t like this, at all. Sakura’s cracking his skull open and picking apart his brain like she’s performing a lobotomy. Shikamaru knows </span>
  <em>
    <span>he’s </span>
  </em>
  <span>remarked as the genius of the group- but a 200 IQ doesn’t mean he knows a damn thing about dealing with his </span>
  <em>
    <span>feelings. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sighs. He wasn’t ready to be lectured today.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It might come as a surprise to you, but dealing with this kind of shit is </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>my area. Handling people’s feelings is the biggest pain in my ass.” Shikamaru coughs. His lungs crave a cigarette. “I don’t want to hurt him, Sakura. I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>good at doing that- I’m sure you’ve heard that from Ino.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sakura grimaces, pressing her lips into a thin line.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>already </span>
  </em>
  <span>hurting him, Shikamaru. Your biggest pain in the ass isn’t other people’s feelings, it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>you.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A part of Shikamaru’s frontal lobe suddenly realigns itself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Listen, I don’t know why people even like you. You’re conceited, self-centered, emotionally constipated. You’re the smartest dumbass I have ever met. You smell cigarettes and cheap coffee, and you’re a douchebag that thinks mesh shirts are cool.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>They are cool, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he thinks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sakura sighs, and then does something else that isn’t in Shikamaru’s contingency plans. She smiles at him, fondly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But I also know that Ino says she loves you. She says that, under your lazy, assholish demeanor, you’re the most dedicated, loyal person she’s ever met. She says that the only thing you give 100% at, is love.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shikamaru’s just staring at her as she stands up from the desk and walks back to the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Naruto gives 100% at everything. But for you, it’s like he gives 1000. So, do me a favor. Give him 100% back, because he deserves at least that from you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sakura’s dissected him fully, sliced him open on the operating table and left his heart on the cutting room floor. It’s beating at 100 miles a minute, bleeding from a hole in the shape of Naruto’s fist. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s his job to pick it up though, put it back in his chest and find someone to stitch him closed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, but if you don’t, I will scalp you and use your hair as a makeup brush. Naruto only likes you for your hair, so I’m sure he’ll leave you alone after that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And with that Sakura leaves, Shikamaru holding his own bloody heart in his hands. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>
  <a href="https://puloh.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/dick-coffee-mug.jpg"> in case youre curious about kakashi's mug, its this </a>
</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>@harpiechanneler on tumblr if you want to talk about how naruto has a hair kink</p></blockquote></div></div>
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